Get Thee To A Gym

It’s May and time to check in on my New Year’s resolutions.  This year, I only had one: exercise.  Not very creative, I realize, but a necessary one.  I'm a serially monogamous dater when it comes to exercise but the last year I have been monogamous to my couch.  I think I just burned out.  This has happened to me before...after a 1.5 year long, very monogamous relationship with Bikram Yoga.  I hit a (sweaty) wall, and ran out of studio screaming, 'I'M JUST SO HOT!!!" It wasn't pretty. They didn't even let me get my mat.  

So recently, I decided to give my local barre class a try.  I figured it was the perfect way to ease back into an exercise routine.  A little stretching, a little lifting, a little leg lifting - what could go wrong? 

Everything!  You know that person who is constantly being called out?  Well, that was me.   “Right leg, sweetie.  Right Leg.  Right. No, you’re other right."   When the person in back of me started to lift the wrong leg, too,  the instructor actually said, "Don't follow the person in front of you (glaring straight at me)."  Ok, so I made up that glaring part, but that's what it felt like.  

I like to zone out in workout classes. It's my time to relax.  And this class was way more confusing than learning Spanish in Russian.   For instance, of the instructions below – guess which one was made up?  (I ask you to actually attempt these positions. Think of it as today's fun afternoon diversion).

1.       “Place your feet in an athletic “V” shape” 
2.       "Lift the bottom of your heart to the top of your chest"
3.       "Pivot from the knee while turning your shin inwards"
4.       While focusing on the space between your shoulder blades, flare your right nostril.

So which one did I make up?  NONE OF THEM!! Just kidding – I made up #4, but if the instructor HAD said it, I would NOT have been surprised.  Sigh.  Back to square one - Any suggestions anyone?  Something that doesn't require the bendy skills of a Cirque du Soleil performer...